Moving Back With The Parents: The New Trend

I had a good friend of mine ask me a question this week. It was an advice question about his teenage daughter. She is out of school and out of the home, living with a boyfriend and his parents...not working.....and doesn't want a job anytime soon. This is of her own free will and is not encouraged by him or his wife. Apparently she called up last evening and wants to move back into their home because she doesn't get along with the boyfriend's parents very well. This is what I told him: Working a job and being responsible at a job is a sign of teenage maturity and is an absolute must if she is to move back in. She will be able to learn time management and responsibility; not to mention she can save some money for when she is actually ready to become that independent adult....she says she wants to be! I told him to open her up an account at the bank and not let her waste all of her earnings. He cannot control whether she works or not; but he can control his expectations of her as a young adult. When she asks, "Can I come back home?"...she is actually saying....I am not being taken care of like you and mom took care of me and I am in economic distress. She is looking to be rescued, even though she has been living in her current situation almost a year and is in no real danger. (Of course if your child is in danger you go get them immediately.) Any parent will help out but there are a few things to keep in mind.....Now, you will want to be parent and landlord if she is going to learn anything from the experience....and watch her attitude....she should be grateful for the opportunity to return home, if she is not, this may raise a flag for you......no one wants to be taken advantage of. You should require what a landlord would require....maybe not rent....but keeping the room clean, helping out with the food expenses, doing chores, and acting like an adult. Once again maintaining steady employment is a must. No hanging out with the boyfriend at your home....they must do like adults would do and provide their own entertainment, dates, ect....now this is not to say that you could not share dinner or a movie with the young love birds.....that is if they will want your company and they are acting like young adults should act. The bottom line is simply this: If it is not a win-win situation; then it is a lose-lose situation! It has to be a two-way street or it's a no-way street. If she can't abide by these rules.....she can continue to live where she is!!!